And I thought boys were bad...

All the dirt of boys, plus the attitude...

Monday, October 19, 2015

The Thing About Having 2 Kids

So, my life lately has been a series of putting out fires that Miss A started.  The problem with that, you know, aside from me going slowly insane, is that I have have another child.

I have another child who just turned 10 and is doing really well in school.  She is working hard in her extra curricular activities.  She follows the rules, mostly.  And she's suffering because the teenager won't just put her shit on pause for a little bit.

We've both made, and continue to make, the effort to do special things with CC.  To make sure that she still gets to do the stuff she wants to do.  To make sure that her home is still a safe space for her.
To make sure that her childhood isn't completely screwed because Miss A is acting out.

It's freaking hard!

I feel so bad when dinner is late because we have to have a conversation with Miss A about her behavior.

I feel terrible when I'm stressed beyond words and it's time to read Harry Potter with CC.

It's not fair.

I also have to remember that just because CC does something that's not as bad as what Miss A does, it's not excusable.  I need to remember that I am not parenting by comparison.  I did for a bit and CC developed quite the attitude.  I had to remember that just as it's not fair for CC to have to deal with the crap made by Miss A, it's also not fair for my expectations of CC to diminish.

So, we will go to her math competition.  We will make sure she gets to her baton twirling lessons.  We will read every night.  And we will keep holding her accountable when she needs it.

Parenting 2 kids when one is demanding all the parenting is really freaking hard.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Life With A Teenager

It has been a really long time since I've written anything here.  There are many reasons for that, but there are 2 that really stand out.

1) I stopped because I was concerned with the privacy of my teenager.  I didn't want to air her "dirty laundry" on the internet.  (This is what I told myself)

2) I didn't want to tell you all how much trouble she was getting into because I was worried about looking like a bad parent.  (I think this is the real reason)

It's been a really hard couple of years with Miss A.  I couldn't even begin to tell you how it started or all the things that have come up, and honestly I don't have the energy to type it all out.  I'll just start with recent and we'll see where we go as time goes on.

Simple background: Miss A had gotten in trouble and lost her phone and all her privileges due to some crap that she did that I'm not going to type out right now.  She is also in theater at school and has told us she really likes to stay after school to help out with building sets.  She had lost her phone and as long as that was gone, she was not allowed to stay after because we had no way to get in touch her.  She finally got her phone back and asked to stay after school for theater.

We agreed to let her stay after with the condition that she promise to stay on campus and be where she said she was going to be.  

She agreed, I checked.  Trust, but verify.

When I spoke to her teacher I found that, not only was she not in the theater class, but she also had only ever stayed after once.  We've let her stay after half a dozen times.  

I called her.

She didn't answer.

I called her dad, my husband, and he went to look for her.

She was found off campus with a friend.  Not where she said she was going to be.  Not answering her phone.  Not returning text messages.

I yelled.  I screamed.  I told her how she made me feel.  I told her that since she doesn't seem to care about how her decisions effect us, we would stop making her happiness a factor in our decisions.  Her health, her care, and her needs would always be a factor but her wants?  Those were gone.  The extra?  Done.  I'm not willing to continue doing extra for someone who won't do the basics for me.  I'm done.

I also stripped her room.  She has a bed and clothes.  I'm done.

I did leave her one book.  A book about a girl her age who has made incredible choices to do the right thing no matter what.

I'm hoping that she will learn something.

I guess I'm not done.

Monday, October 6, 2014

I have a teenage daughter...

My name is Kristen and I have a teenage daughter.

This is an admission far larger than it looks.  It means, I have no idea what I am doing.  It means that I feel like I have lost control.  It means that I am terrified that I'm doing it wrong.  It means I need help.

I am coming up against things I never dealt with as a teen because the internet wasn't a part of my life when I was her age.  I didn't have a cell phone.  I don't knwo what to do when she abuses these things.  I mean, I do.  I take them away, but the reality is that she is going to have to live with this technology and she needs to know how to be safe.  It's like any other social have to learn it to do it safely.  You have to use it to learn it.

The problem is that I feel like I have lost control.  Like I don't have any idea what is going on in her life, though at the same time I feel like we have a pretty open line of communication.  Am I fooling myself or can both be true?

After spending way too much "at work" time googling the interwebs for answers, I have come up with one.

I feel like I have lost control because I have.  She is not a child anymore.  She is a teen.  She is going to make mistakes and the consequences of those mistakes are going to suck.  All I can do is try to minimize the size of the mistakes that she makes.  Not giving her a data plan for her phone is one way.  Taking away the camera phone when I see an issue is another...

...but there will be mistakes and there is nothing I can do about it.

How do I make peace with that?  How do I raise her without locking her down, and therefore losing her, completely?

My name is Kristen and I have a teenage daughter.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Letting go

So I have already failed.  I wanted to start writing at least one post a week and I completely missed last week!  Talk about a lack of commitment...

Oh, well.  It's Monday and it's a new week.  I can just start again.  That's the awesome thing about life, right?  Having a bad day?  It's only gonna last 24 hours!  Having a bad morning?  Only till noon!  We have this amazing ability to change our perception and change our lives whenever we want.  We are never stuck!

This is something I have to remember for myself every day.  See, I work in sales.  Over the phone.  I get people hanging up on me and yelling at me for existing most days.  How in the world would I be able to continue to do this job if I couldn't start my hour/morning/day/week over whenever I need to?

It's a valuable lesson, though, outside of work as well.  I don't have to sit in a bad feeling.  I don't have to stay in a shitty moment.  I get to leave that minute in 60 seconds and I can choose to leave it behind me.  Now, I can also choose to carry it with me.  We all can.  The problem is that if we choose to carry it with us, we end up carrying around a figurative bag of bad minutes and days that just weigh us down.

One of the main things I try to impart on my little and not so little ones is that they don't have to put minutes in that sack.  They don't even have to have one!  They can just let all those bad minutes go and make the next one rock!  It's hard and it's a process, but anyone can do it and everyone should.

How do you let go of the crap that weighs you down?

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Life Is Good

It's been brought to my attention that I have not written anything here in a long freaking time and it's true!  I've been really busy with living life and I haven't made much time to write about it.

So what's been going on with us?  Well, let's start with the kids since that's what this is all about. 

Miss A turned 13 a couple of weeks ago, though we all know she's been a teenager in mind for a while...No, she's actually blossoming from an amazing child to a wonderful young lady.  I am very proud of her!  She went on her first airplane trip by herself to visit her Nana in Utah.  They went to the zoo, an amusement park, and her very first concert!  The baby who made me a mommy isn't much of a baby anymore...

CC is coming into her own as well.  She's definitely becoming her very own person: smart, talented, and has her very own interests in things.  She's got opinions about everything.  The biggest challenge with her is teaching her when it's appropriate to express those opinions and when going along is the best option.  She's got some spunk in her and I love it!  She'll definitely be one who gets what she wants out of life and she'll do it by force if need be.

Hubby and I have started our very own business.  You may or may not remember that we switched from smoking cigarettes to vaping a while ago.  Part of getting on board with that, for us, was learning to make our own e-liquid, or e-juice.  It was important to me to know how it was all made.  I needed to know that I was moving away from something really bad for me and toward something that was going to be better.  A lot of research went into really committing to vaping and that lead me to become passionate about the flavor of my e-liquid.  Needless to say we developed some flavors and released a juice line: Shades of X.  We are doing well and are loving every minute of it.

Of course we both still have our jobs.  I don't know that this will ever become something I can do fulltime, but it's fun and we are helping people.  That's the point.

I am going to try to find time to write at least once a week.  It's a really good exercise for me, even if no one ever reads it.  It's good to find time to reflect on life and find out what really matters.  Life can get pretty overwhelming if I never take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

If you're reading this, how are you?  What's new in your life?

Monday, September 9, 2013

Bevo's Adventure

Saturday morning started off like any other.  I woke up to the sound of my alarm at the awful time of 8:30am.  I know, that probably doesn't sound early to you and you might even being thinking, "lucky bitch" if you have a baby, but this is still an early Saturday for me.  I don't like being awake that early any day of the week...I am, but I don't like it.

Anyway, I got up and got ready to go grocery shopping like I always do.  As I was doing this, Hubby was checking out his Facebook feed and noticed that our very dear friends' dogs got out the night before.  We decided that grocery shopping could wait and that we would help them look for the dogs.  When we arrived at their house, we were told that one of the dogs had been found already, but there were no leads on the other.  We started looking immediately.  We divided up the town into parts that the dog could have gotten to and went off to search.

After about an hour or so, the other dog was found.  He was hanging out at a yard sale.  When our friend found him he had a couple cuts on his face and was exhausted, but other than that he was okay.  We figured he had gotten into a disagreement with a raccoon during the 8-9 hours he was out.  Little did we know, Bevo had had an adventure.

Apparently, a little while after he had gotten out, Bevo found his way to the gas station down the street.  He went inside and, I guess after not finding what he wanted, he left.  Then he came back in.  Yes, in the store.  We were told he went in and out of the store quite a few times.  Finally, the owners were ready to close up and were wondering what to do with this dog who seemed quite at home in the candy isle.  A local bar owner happened to be inside at closing time and volunteered to take Bevo home for the night and find his owners in the morning.  How nice!

Unfortunately, Bevo did not want to stay in this man's backyard and broke out.  He wandered around for a while, we guess, until he found the yard sale he was eventually recovered at.

Now, to top all this off, our friend had asked a man he saw on the street the night before if he had seen the dog.  The man hadn't, but said he would keep an eye out.  As it turns out, this man is the neighbor of the bar owner who rescued the dog from the gas station.  Both the bar owner and the neighbor ended up coming by our friends' house to make sure the dog had returned home safely!

This is just a piece of the awesome that comes from living in a small town!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Back to Life

It's been a really long time since I have written anything here.  I'm pretty sure anyone who read it before has given up on seeing something new, but here it is anyway!

We have been super busy with wrapping up summer and getting back to school!  Miss A is off to a wonderful start and I could not be happier!!  She is enjoying all her classes and even made the volleyball team!!  She is doing really well and has her first game coming up really soon!!

Little CC is loving her new class, especially since she already knew her teacher!  She has "gotten back together" with some friends from first grade and is super excited about school.  She is also in the midst of planning her 8th birthday party.  So far, she has decided on a "Diva" theme (zebra print and pink) and I think we will end up doing hair, nails, make-up and maybe even do a fashion shoot!

Having the girls back in school has been a welcome break for Hubby, I'm sure.  He was juggling them and working from home all summer long.  I know he is happy to have his quiet days back!

Actually, in celebration of the kids going back to school, we both took their first day off of work!  We spent the whole day just being grown ups and hanging out.  It was fantastic!! 

Honestly, I think they missed school as much as we did.

Anyway, I will be writing more now that things have died down.

How was your end of summer/beginning of the school year?