So, my life lately has been a series of putting out fires that Miss A started. The problem with that, you know, aside from me going slowly insane, is that I have have another child.
I have another child who just turned 10 and is doing really well in school. She is working hard in her extra curricular activities. She follows the rules, mostly. And she's suffering because the teenager won't just put her shit on pause for a little bit.
We've both made, and continue to make, the effort to do special things with CC. To make sure that she still gets to do the stuff she wants to do. To make sure that her home is still a safe space for her.
To make sure that her childhood isn't completely screwed because Miss A is acting out.
It's freaking hard!
I feel so bad when dinner is late because we have to have a conversation with Miss A about her behavior.
I feel terrible when I'm stressed beyond words and it's time to read Harry Potter with CC.
It's not fair.
I also have to remember that just because CC does something that's not as bad as what Miss A does, it's not excusable. I need to remember that I am not parenting by comparison. I did for a bit and CC developed quite the attitude. I had to remember that just as it's not fair for CC to have to deal with the crap made by Miss A, it's also not fair for my expectations of CC to diminish.
So, we will go to her math competition. We will make sure she gets to her baton twirling lessons. We will read every night. And we will keep holding her accountable when she needs it.
Parenting 2 kids when one is demanding all the parenting is really freaking hard.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
It has been a really long time since I've written anything here. There are many reasons for that, but there are 2 that really stand out.
1) I stopped because I was concerned with the privacy of my teenager. I didn't want to air her "dirty laundry" on the internet. (This is what I told myself)
2) I didn't want to tell you all how much trouble she was getting into because I was worried about looking like a bad parent. (I think this is the real reason)
It's been a really hard couple of years with Miss A. I couldn't even begin to tell you how it started or all the things that have come up, and honestly I don't have the energy to type it all out. I'll just start with recent and we'll see where we go as time goes on.
Simple background: Miss A had gotten in trouble and lost her phone and all her privileges due to some crap that she did that I'm not going to type out right now. She is also in theater at school and has told us she really likes to stay after school to help out with building sets. She had lost her phone and as long as that was gone, she was not allowed to stay after because we had no way to get in touch her. She finally got her phone back and asked to stay after school for theater.
We agreed to let her stay after with the condition that she promise to stay on campus and be where she said she was going to be.
She agreed, I checked. Trust, but verify.
When I spoke to her teacher I found that, not only was she not in the theater class, but she also had only ever stayed after once. We've let her stay after half a dozen times.
I called her.
She didn't answer.
I called her dad, my husband, and he went to look for her.
She was found off campus with a friend. Not where she said she was going to be. Not answering her phone. Not returning text messages.
I yelled. I screamed. I told her how she made me feel. I told her that since she doesn't seem to care about how her decisions effect us, we would stop making her happiness a factor in our decisions. Her health, her care, and her needs would always be a factor but her wants? Those were gone. The extra? Done. I'm not willing to continue doing extra for someone who won't do the basics for me. I'm done.
I also stripped her room. She has a bed and clothes. I'm done.
I did leave her one book. A book about a girl her age who has made incredible choices to do the right thing no matter what.
I'm hoping that she will learn something.
I guess I'm not done.